Growing up in church, I knew that dressing modestly was right. At church, I saw moms and their daughters wearings long skirts, and tasteful dresses. I knew the pants I wore to school were not for church. When I went out to eat with my family, and I was wearing pants, I was always looking over my shoulder, afraid that someone from church would see me. When I was younger, I had the knowledge that dressing modestly was right, I just didn't understand why.
The problem was, I had been preached at over and over again about what to wear and what not to wear, but I'd never been told why we dress modestly. As a child, my parents and grandparents bought me pants and shorts to wear, and never put any modesty standards in my life. Once I reached the age where I realized that none of my friends at church wore pants like me, I was very confused. Why did they dress that way? Why was the way I was dressing considered bad? If it was so bad, why did my family buy me these clothes?
Every time this subject of modesty was brought up in church, I listened intently for answers. I was given none. The preacher would say it was wrong for a woman not to dress modestly, get on his soap box about wearing pants, and then move on to another subject. This left me even more confused, and sad. I already knew modesty was right, I just didn't know why. Without having understanding, how could I develop any convictions?
Once I grew into my preteen years, I grew increasingly aware, not to mention guilty, about the way I was dressing. I wanted so badly to have the courage to throw away all my pants, and only dress modestly, but I couldn't. The only thing stopping me from making the right decision was me. I had friends that had only ever seen me in my immodest clothes, and I was afraid of what they would say. I don't believe anyone would have made fun of me, that's not what I was afraid of. I was afraid of the questions that would be asked. If anyone would have asked me why I had changed the way I dressed, I would have no idea what to say. Once again I was faced with this problem of having knowledge without understanding, and I was frustrated beyond belief. If I didn't even know why it was right, why should I do it?
Going into my teen years, I moved to a new state. I saw this as my chance to change my wardrobe. I got rid of all my pants, shorts, short skirts, and sleeveless tops. My family had barely enough money for groceries when we moved to Texas, so all my cute immodest clothes were replaced with any modest thing I could find in my size at the thrift store. I wouldn't have had it any other way either, I felt so happy, like a burden had been lifted. That is, until the very first person asked me why I always wore skirts. I told them "Oh, it's a religious thing.". They seemed satisfied with the answer, though I wasn't. I lived in fear of more questions. If someone else were to come along and inquire more, someone who wouldn't be satisfied with such a vague response, I would have no idea what to say.
During this time, I was under extreme pressure to go back to wearing pants, but the truth is, no one was pressuring me but myself. As an introvert, I really don't like to have the attention on me, I would much rather stay in the background. Wearing long skirts in a public school made me stick out like a sore thumb, there was no way I could go unnoticed. I knew that if I would just go buy a pair of jeans, no one would bother me or notice me anymore, and I wouldn't have to be afraid of people asking questions. In retrospect, I'm so grateful that I had gotten rid of all my immodest clothing, because if I hadn't, I would have started wearing them again.
I faced this constant pressure to go back to my old ways because I still had knowledge with no understanding. I thought that just dressing modestly would ease my guilty conscience, but because I still didn't understand why I was doing it, I had no real conviction, and I was always tempted to go back.
Fast forward a couple years to July 9, 2012, and something miraculous happened in my life- I accepted Christ as my Savior and got saved!! Nothing else in my life will ever compare to that moment, it was the very best day of my life, without a doubt. Finally, I had accepted Christ, and that's when I began to realize why it was important for me to dress modestly.
I don't know why all of you dress modestly, or if you think it's an important part of Christianity, but the reason I dress modestly is to represent my Savior. It's not to appease my authority, or to keep men from looking at me, or so I won't have a guilty conscience- I dress modestly so I can represent my God in a positive way, because He deserves nothing less. I don't know about you, but representing the Lord is not something that I take lightly. After I got saved, I finally came to know God personally. How was I supposed to have conviction about representing God positively by dressing modestly, when I didn't even know Him?
When I dress modestly, I know that I'm representing God correctly because people can see that something is different about me just by seeing me. I think this is a very special thing. I mean, think about it, if a group of christian men and ladies walk into a restaurant, no one in the restaurant would know that they were different if they were just looking at the men, because they look the same as every other man in the restaurant. The only way you would know he was different is if you sat down and had a conversation with him. However, if you look at a modestly dressed lady, you automatically know she's different, without even having a conversation. That is a great tool that we have, ladies! When we are dressed modestly, our testimony precedes us.
In my own life, I have seen this proved many times. For instance, when I dressed immodestly in public school, people wouldn't think twice about having a bad conversation in my presence. After all, I looked just like everyone else, why would I have a problem with it? However, when I dressed modestly in public school, many times people that didn't even know me would apologize for swearing while I was around. I had never spoken to them in my life, how could they know that I would have a problem with swearing? They could tell there was something different about me because of the way I was dressed.
Now that I have understanding and the convictions that go with it, I am confident in why I am dressing the way I do. I know what it's like to feel guilty about the clothes I'm wearing, and I don't ever want to go back. I no longer feel frustrated and confused, I feel confident and comfortable in the clothes I wear. I feel beautiful because I'm representing Christ in the way He deserves.
I know it might sound crazy, but I'm so incredibly grateful for this journey I've taken to dressing modestly. It's easy to wish I was just raised to dress this way, and forced to only wear modest clothing, but I'm glad I wasn't. I know way too many girls who were raised in homes where their parents forced them to dress modestly, and now that they can choose for themselves, they don't. I had to find out for myself why it is important to dress modestly, and although it was frustrating at times, I finally understand, and I have developed convictions that aren't going to go anywhere- because they are mine. They aren't my parent's, or my pastor's, they're mine, and they're here to stay.
I don't always have to cutest clothes, and I certainly don't always know how to put an outfit together- I'm horrible at it! I can't mix prints for anything, and colorful outfits scare me to death. I didn't start this blog because I'm good at fashion, I started this blog because I'm passionate about dressing modestly to represent my Savior, and I want to let other ladies know that you can feel confident and beautiful while being a light for Christ. There are so many different areas that we can be an example as Christians, and modesty can be such a big part!
I know this post was a lot more personal than usual, but I wanted to share my heart with you a little bit, and show you a little glimpse of my past. I hope you guys are having a wonderful week so far, and that you have a productive day today. I appreciate all of your kind comments so much, thank you all for being so sweet!
-Hayley
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